Portfolio- The Perks of Being a Wallflower
1. A Letter to Charlie
April 20, 1992
I’ve just read your letter from April 18, and I must admit that you totally plucked my heartstrings. It is such a pity that you had to suffer so much the past days. Surely, it must have been a tuff time for you, yet I’m glad you still stay strong. I know it’s not easy to be alone. It’s like drowning down the ocean, directly into the darkness.
And I also know from my own experiences how it feels to be hemmed in by a specific person that is, well was in your case Mary Elizabeth. I think that she never knew how you felt inside yourself, that you always were about to explode when she didn’t let you speak, or decide anything in the relationship. Of course, it’s human then that you can’t stand this pressure anymore longer, though, everything collapsed in the wrong moment and time.
Still, it wasn’t your fault that you kissed Sam at ‘truth or dare’ because your mind just stopped thinking at this moment and you listened to your heart. You, somehow, needed to release your stress and I think, it was a good decision to do that. Anyway, you already wanted to tell Mary Elizabeth the truth about your feelings earlier, but it didn’t feel to you the right time. So you did anything, just to avoid her as much as possible.
Nevertheless, I know what a graceful, emotional and nostalgic person you are. It’s understandable that you are extremely sorry for hurting Mary Elizabeth in such an immoral way, even though you weren’t able to control yourself.
If you want to know, I also lost my self-control once. It was about two years ago. Back then I always let my best friends control me; they didn’t treat me like friends should. One day I invited them over to my house, although I didn’t have a good feeling about it. I ignored my discomfiture regardless. They came, went to my room and started to focus only on themselves. When I had tried to join their conversation about boys, for example, they either ignored me or said: “Cathi, don’t be so stupid to think that he’d be into you”. They already had insulted me before and I swallowed all the pressure and negative feelings into me and kept it there, like you. Don’t get me wrong; I don’t try to make you feel bad, but do try to show you how much I understand you.
However, my mother came up and brought us food and I immediately acted happily, even though I wasn’t. When she had left, my friends took all the slices of pizza and left the plate empty. Then I lost myself; I lost the whole self-control and I screamed at them: “Get out of my house! I never want to see you again”.
For a few moments I felt relieved, but then I felt guilty, though, I knew I did the right thing.
It’s good that Patrick drove you home. He did the right decision, because there surely was a lot of suspense at Craig’s place. Patrick also said, you should keep away for a while. I know it’s hard not to have contact with your closest friends but it also wouldn’t be a good idea...