The unbearable pain, yet I couldn’t scream. All I could do is helplessly watch the nurses and doctors hovering over me, trying to do something; anything to save my life. To be honest, it doesn’t really matter whether I live or not. Well, maybe some tiny part of me hoping that I would, but the same part where everyone refuses to give up that hope. But I know I won't be able to make it. You won't really care anymore because you know the end is coming soon, there’s always a difference in that; whether you have hopes or not.
Sometimes, I envy those people who are able to walk under the sunlight, not knowing when their lives might end. And foolishly believing that their time was unlimited because there was nothing in their life to remind them that everything has an expiration date.
But Alex… He was different, everything about him was totally different. His perspective towards life. The way he live it to the fullest, seeing beauty in everything that normal people won’t even take another look on it. He sees them from a positive way and appreciate them . He was the exact opposite of me.
Although he might not know it, he was my light. The only thing that I could say about him is that he is innocent and pure-hearted, yet he was ignorant. He could understand the hardships in life, the bitter reality that most people chose to ignore. And that was what made him appreciate life more, a life with limited time.
I guess that is the reason why I look up to him the most. He knew his time is ending soon, however he didn’t just sit and do nothing. He didn’t let his sickness affect him. All he do is appreciate everything that was around him, which is something that I could never do.
I watch the doctor scrambling around me, trying to save my life. I could hear the machines beeping, the beeping of my heart is getting slower and slower. I know that soon, it would stop beeping and I would drift to eternal sleep; the eternal darkness that I would never be able to get out of. I’m curious about it. Would it always be dark? Or will I slowly drift into light? And who would I see? Will I see Alex as my eyes close forever?
I realized that I smile over the thought of Alex again. I didn’t always like him that much. The first time I met him, he was annoying the hell out of me. His cheerful smile made me wonder why he was so happy when there was nothing to be happy about. But out of all that, I can't help but wonder what is the difference between us was. His condition is similar or worse like mine. Yet he could smile in a way that I never able to.
I turned my wheelchair around at the sound of my name; seeing my nurse pushing another guy in a wheelchair towards me. The guy in the wheelchair smiled at me. I didn’t smile back....