Title Essay

1112 words - 5 pages

Mom,
I feel terrible for the way I hated you. My ability to thrash hatred onto another person like I had with you was not at all limited by my age. Twelve years old; it is hard to believe I was capable of disowning my own mother and father at such a young age. I was astonishingly horrible, placing blame on people whose situations I could never have understood. The distance I put between you and dad was never your fault and though the daughter from your past haunts you and says it was, I ask that you try your hardest to ignore her acidic words. She is long gone. That little girl eventually wiped away the blinding shield of self-pity and revealed a rational image, one that portrayed the truth in how your decision influenced my life. My previous expectation on how that decision should have affected me was based on a phony illustration of an ideal family. Realizing my faults dug up a fact that I feel obligated to admit: your divorce was the best thing that ever happened to me. A beautiful outlook on my situation evolved from you and dad deciding to separate; I developed the ability to cope, an appreciation for both of you as individuals and came to realize that my life could have had a far worse outcome. The current appreciation I have for you making the decision to divorce is a product of my past experiences, and though you know just as well as I do the condition of our past life, I feel it is worth you knowing how I truly perceived those times before the divorce.
You may hope that I do not remember that you and dad used to fight, but I can assure you that I do. I remember how a heated discussion could spring into an argument within minutes, continually escalating until only screams escaped both your lungs. The sounds of your voices dueling between pitch and volume only led my ears to plead that it stopped. Despite the tears rolling down my face, I rarely felt sad as a result of your fights, but more so angry. Internally, I felt that you were both being childish and irrational and believed that I could somehow set you two straight. My fury would increase, leading to my eventual interventions, screaming along, saying “Stop fighting! Stop!” I was so naive in thinking you would listen. You both shrugged me off in annoyance, trying to ignore my attempt. The only way I could ever stop you was by pitifully asking the question, “Mommy, are you guys getting a divorce?” That phrase, as well as my glossy eyes and wet cheeks, were the only tools I had to satisfy my need for control. I’m sure you remember looking at me, feeling a deep pit of guilt. There was no way you could tell me about the inevitable future, that you and dad were and never going to live under the same roof again, so you comforted me saying, “Oh honey, of course not.” I held you to your word, because the moment that you and dad sat us down to tell us of your decision to divorce, I jumped to cry out at you, “Liar! You lied to me! You told me you weren’t going to get a divorce! I hate you!” I...

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