Until It Ends, There Is No End

1147 words - 5 pages

The sound of the clock echoed in the huge room. I stared up at it, at its pendulum swinging side to side. Time seemed to be dragging on. The room was bare, with only a large window to look out of. Outside it, there was a whole different world. A world full of happiness and joy. But in here, in this house, the world was a completely different place. It was a cruel world; it was a world without love.I hugged my knees closer to my chest, and rested my chin on top. It was only a matter of time before the sun was going to set, only a matter of time before darkness reached every corner of my life. I have been sitting here all day, continually staring out of the window at the life I wanted, at the life that did not want me. Clouds covered the sun now and again, disrupting the rays of light, as though trying to prevent any chance of hope reaching me. I was being consumed by the dullness of the room, drowning in the murky green. The rays of light were my lifelines, reaching in to pull me out, but I could not grasp them.I walked over to the mirror and saw a reflection of myself. It angered me. Why did I have to be so different? Why did I have to be me? I hated myself and I hated the reflection that stared back at me day in and day out. I hated it so much that I hadn't realised that shards of glass lay scattered on the floor and that blood was trickling from my hand. I curled into a ball on the floor, and wept as I rocked back and forth.I remember my grandmother telling me before she died, 'Live your dreams and challenge your fate, the world has no boundaries.' That's just the blind leading the blind, because no matter how hard I drive, it's never meant to be.I've thought about different ways but I haven't decided. I'm sure that it's going to be tonight though. The constant pain that I feel will cease, and everything will be peaceful. I will have the life I have always hungered for, the life where I can be me, and no-one will complain.The sun has gone down and the night sky feels cold. The stars are hiding behind the clouds as if trying to protect themselves or even hide form the world, just like me. I don't know how to end this but I know you'll read this one-day. I love you mum, but I can't take it anymore. It's time to let go. I've been walking this road for too long; hopefully the grass on the other side will be greener.I slowly turned over and wiped the tears off the page. I didn't want to carry on, but I knew I must. I thought nothing in the world could keep us apart. I was wrong. My mind kept wondering, recalling the last day.We woke up at the same time. She came out of her room and yawned. Everything seemed normal. I can't believe I didn't see it coming. She always seemed so happy with life. I was fooled by her front, taken in and consumed like everyone else. What kind of mother am I?It was the weekend, so she was at home. We were going to go shopping, but she decided to stay home...

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