Wedding Speech Delivered by the Groom
Before I start I have to ask... Do you like my outfit?... you see, I asked the tailor for Versace... but he thought I said "Liberace"!
Ladies, Gentlemen, Friends, Relatives and any stray pedestrians who may have wandered in. On behalf of my wife and I... or as I prefer to call her "my most recent ex-girlfriend", welcome to our wedding. I hope you're all enjoying yourselves on this special day. Its great to see you all and I can honestly say it would have been rubbish without you. It would also have been a lot cheaper without you, but that's beside the point.
We'd like to thank my new Father-in-law for his kind words and good wishes. And to thank both my new in-laws for all the help (both organisational and financial) they have given us in arranging this reception. I'd like to thank them personally also for all the kindness and generosity they have shown me over the last 8 years, especially after we got off on the wrong foot 8 years ago with the awful blocked toilet incident. I won't go into the details here, but suffice to say their toilet was not blocked before I went in there, but it was very blocked when I left... and overflowing. Nothing much was said at the time, but I did notice on my next visit that the bathroom carpet had been replaced with easy wipe laminate floor! So for that discretion and everything else: thank you.
We'd also like to thank my mum for all her generosity leading up to today, including the rounding up and transportation of my entire family down from Scotland. And also for all the support she has given us over the years - helping us find the deposit for our house, for one - thanks mum.
Thanks very much also to Aunty Anna for making our wedding cake. I can only imagine the time and effort that went into making it and it looks absolutely delicious & beautiful. So thank you very much.
Talking of "delicious & beautiful" (pause - look briefly towards bride, then towards bridesmaids, then...) the ushers Paul and Patrick, are neither, but they have done a great job today. I felt they leant a certain nightclub doorman respectability to the whole occasion and I admired the way they searched the ladies handbags going into the church with such discretion and subtlety. Thank you boys.
Thank you to our readers, for their beautiful readings. I felt that like Will Young from Pop Idol, they took each piece and "made it their own". They also did a much better job than Gareth Gates would have done!
Talking of Will & Gareth: Talented, young, attractive,...