Welcome To Hell Humorous View Of What Hell Is Actually Like

1992 words - 8 pages

Walking through the mono-lithic doors, I feel a sudden burst of heat. The cobble stone path soon becomes rocky and ragged. The tunnel is pitch black in exception of the eerie red glow that pulls me to the other end. I make my way around a bend coming to the opening. Peering beyond the sandpaper walls I see...pink? Everything's pink! Satan must be a fruit I think to myself. My nose tickles with the scent of strawberries and freshly printed Xerox copies, odd and yet alluring.Sitting behind an iron-wrought desk is a woman dressed in what seems to be a priestess outfit. She is mulling through mounds of paperwork stopping every now and then to zap the gremlin like fledglings that scuttle by. Beside her stands a stern faced man in platinum armor; his serious look only interrupted by a small smirk as he watches the fledglings run away in pain. There is a sign on the desk that reads: Check in station, Please see secretary and her noble knight. I take my first real step into hell heat wrapping around me, but surprisingly I stay feeling cool. I decide to take a look around before I condemn myself in this pink eternal damnation. To my left the walls suddenly change to blue. They must have hired a low price decorator because surely no one in their right mind would stop painting half way through. Sitting in the blue corner on one of many bean bag chairs is a devilish temptress entertaining an angel his halo bent and quite tarnished. A bulletin above flashes in neon green "Working Come Back Later". On my right there is a dark cherry wood throne scribed in torture. Beside it stands a more feminine throne of the same. Stepping up to the desk I survey the rest of my damnation. About twenty feet away is what appears to be a plug with a disclaimer above it: For use in case boss goes ballistic and floods hell. Floods Hell? How many times has that happened before? I thought."Please state, name, occupation, and cause of death." The secretary's cool voice cuts through the silence. Hesitating only seconds I stated what she had asked."My name is Candice "Candy" Turnet. I am...""Was" she corrected me."...was a lawyer""Prosecuting, Defense, DA? Federal or Supreme?""Defense attorney, Federal and Supreme court cases.""Any high profilers?" she smirked as she said it making me think she didn't believe I could be taken seriously. True I had, had difficulty in the beginning, being only 5'1" with the blonde hair blue eye bit presenting its problem, but I proved them wrong and I'm going to prove her wrong too."Yes," I said lifting my head high, she wasn't impressed and waited impatiently for the rest of my answer, "I think you are familiar with the Tartum Valley Murders?" She nodded an evil grin across her face. I had obviously sparked some torturous memory that in this case brought great pleasure. "Well I defended the killer." She nodded again."Did you believe in his innocence?" Her inquiry threw me off. I had never actually thought about it. Did I believe my client was innocent?...

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