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Why Santa Should Abominate Physics Essay

937 words - 4 pages

Whenever I was very young, I guess you could say that I was also very gullible. I believed most of what people told me was right. All of the holiday myths would miraculously be plausible, even if they couldn’t be. People, mainly adults, only gave me the abridged version of the truth. One of these myths I was sure was true up until about fourth grade is Santa Claus. I didn’t question why the logic of Santa was so askew. I’d write letters to Santa Claus, leave out cookies and milk and carrots, along with a sundry of other off-the-wall Christmas traditions. These included, sprinkling reindeer dust outside, and going to bed early so Santa wouldn’t skip our house. As a result of the withering beliefs in Santa across the globe, adults try to aggrandize the Santa Claus myth in attempt to make the ambiance of Christmas more special. In days of yore people have scrutinized all of the aspects of Santa Claus and some of the truths are appalling. Some very astute people have made this out-of-the box myth seem more real to children, but some of these truths must go unmasked.
To start out the list of impossible truths, for all of the houses out there without chimneys, like mine, how does he get in? Does he commit breaking and entering? Most houses have chimneys, but even with the mythical entrance, he still wouldn’t fit in the hole. Whoever had the “brilliant” idea to pose Santa as a glutton could’ve made him skinnier to make this one more possible.
Thanks to the abstruse time zones on Earth, Santa would have approximately thirty-one hours of Christmas. There are about two billion children on Earth, so Santa would have to visit ninety-one point eight million houses. This means he would visit 1,063 houses per second. If he could do this he’d have one one thousandth of a second to find the right presents, get out of the sleigh, slip down the chimney, which judging by past analysis would be arduous, supplant the empty space in the stockings and under the tree with presents, consume any food or beverages set out, shimmy back up the chimney, get back in to the sleigh and move to the next house. If Santa can move this fast, I classify him as grandiose.
If Santa had this amount of time his sleigh would be moving a stupefying 650 miles per second. This comes up to be about 3,000 times the speed of sound. The fastest manmade object on earth is the Ulysses space probe, which moves at a speed of twenty-seven point four miles per second. His archaic reindeer can only run fifteen miles per hour at most. I’m not an expert in ballistics, but I...

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