It’s cold, damp, and dark on the morning of September first at six in the morning. But today, today is September first, the day of light to fashion followers everywhere. The day that Vogue releases their fall fashion issue and tells us what to wear, how to pose in our selfies, what plastic surgeries to be on the look out for, our new goal weight, what’s in, what’s out, and who “can’t sit with us”. Today is the day that we not only redefine our views on fashion, but also stick to them as if we came up with them ourselves (though we’ll reference Vogue in the way a priest references The Old Testament when our sensible friends mock our pain in those shoes). The following is a transcript from the hallucinations of Daniel Savage in the marijuana mists of his basement on this very morning, as he contemplates the way in which he will respond to the letter of a woman plagued by her obligation to sexual acts she finds to be viscerally repugnant in the way in which size four fashion slaves cram themselves into size twos and then write Anna Wintour about why they don’t feel pretty. Gayle Rubin, Gregory Ward, and Michel Foucault join Daniel, in his mind, as he attempts to reconcile what drives his correspondent to perform acts that repulse her and to then write him about the matter.
Savage: [Reads letter aloud in his head in the middle pitched voice of a middle
Correspondent: “ I am a het(erosexual) woman. Is it terribly unusual to hate giving head? At best, it’s uncomfortable, difficult, and tastes disgusting; at worst it’s degrading. To me sex is love for another individual (I don’t know why but it’s guys for me) carried over into a physical dimension. Sorry, but when your chin is against a hair anus and your jaw is dislocated and all you can see is a stomach going up and down, thoughts for the individual seem a little obscured.”… “Why do men feel compelled to stick it in everything, in every orifice a woman has? If our ears were big enough they’d stick it in there too! I just don’t like using my means of communication, eating, and breathing as a masturbation machine for large, smelly, long, rock-hard veiny things that spew sticky stuff down my throat.
Not Liking It”
(Savage, Dan. Savage Love)
Savage: [quotes the correspondent in an offended tone whilst smugly contorting his face] Why do men have to stick it in everything?! [scoffs] [Chides back at correspondent] Why do you have to condemn what feels good? If you had a penis I’m sure that you’d want someone to lick it too! If you don’t like it why are you doing it? Do you get some pleasure from whining about it? Is that why you’re still with men? Honey, if you can’t take the dick, get out of the bedroom.
Ward: [immediately enters the conversation after Savage’s sarcastic slap on the wrist] I think you might be on to something Dan. She (the correspondent) uses language with a negative connotation in describing the phallocentric sexual acts that she condemns. “Stick it in” doesn’t quite sound...